Jim soon discovered that holograms and hovercars are now a thing and that the year is technically 2030, if you know how to math.
Jim realized that Christmas tales aren’t usually in the time of them being written, so he was pretty confused that in any year, no matter what, 15 years later it will be 2030.
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All this confusion made Jim’s head hurt. Suddenly, he had to be rushed to the hospital because he had brain aneurysms.
Unfortunately it was Thanksgiving and all the doctors were out shopping because Black Friday is now on Thanksgiving.
Alas, Jim died from his injuries. He was cremated and his ashes dumped in the Pacific Ocean by his fellow ocean-fetishists.
The end.
New beginnings for life.
There once was an immortal boy who’s story cannot end no matter how hard everybody tries to end it.
His name is God ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Eventually, people grew tired of God’s story and began writing their own stories.
As people write their own stories, we come full circle, getting a story about A Very Notessimo Christmas…
A Very Notessimo Christmas begins with an admonishment that people should remember God more often.
And so, people began writing versions of God’s never-ending story in which the story actually does end. To which God found much disapproval in because all the endings were too short and terribly shitty.
It was therefore too meta for God and he attempted to exit the story.
But as he tried to exit he was attacked by bees.
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“NOT THE BEES” he screamed, running frantically away.
Then he remembered, he was God. He had God powers, for crying out loud. He used his God powers to make the bees disappear. He then began to question his own omnipotence.
Suddenly, the bees came back.
A bee stung God; he exploded into a puddle of melted cheese.
People have come to name this event “the Great Cheesening”. They believed this to be a blessing from the heavens, bringing prosperity to all cheese enthusiasts.
Especially those named colby:
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The lands flowed with Milk and Cheese and the Lactose Intolerant people all died. It was all in his plan.
Including himself. Luckily he had a son named Ed. Ed approached the bees with some cheese.