Just consider yourself fortunate that I chose to actually link each product… “product” to its proper page. I’m not one to run around and desert a solid opportunity to screw with someone without some thought first.
But Hypo, how could I possibly live without the Hercules Hook and the Slap Chop and Mighty Mend It and the Shamwow and the Magic Bullet and Mighty Putty and Kaboom Cleaner and Oxiclean and the Gopher Grabber and the Big City Slider Station and the Snuggie and the Ding King and the Turbo Gym and Orange-Glo and the Magic Jack and the Nuwave Oven…
At school each friday, some class sets up a tv show called 1860 Belvo (our address). It’s usually full of some stupid/dull crap, but there was one funny thing they had once. I guess it was their assignment to make commercials and a couple of them made a version of the Sham-Wow commercial. They dissed Vince and the Sham-Wow (and Michael Phelps) so much it was actually funny. They made another about the slap chop and put it in this week’s episode which was funny also.
body blade sounds like some kind of emo screamo band or some black and red exacto knife
btw- to whom it concerns; the Snuggie was invented in the 1900’s or even earlier, it was called a COAT. and how many of us would actually wear a Snuggie outside as it is portrayed in the commercial?
btw again- Shamwow actually works but the billy mays wannabe in the commercial makes me wonder if it’s worth seeing his face on the box (German-loving freak. Hitler would have loved that guy 
)
if you want to dis them then here is a really funny video
Billy mays vs Vince offer Gmod arena
It is made on Gmod (Garrys Mod 10)
I hate cellphones too. i bet in 20 years cancer prevalence will go up about 75% due to the constant cellphone use of our generation (Microwaves FTW!).
Too little, too late.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re all fucked regardless, so it really doesn’t matter if you die of face cancer at about the time your life comes full circle and you resume shitting in your pants. Something is fundamentally wrong with our nature and/or society these days (if I must qualify that statement). So, fuck it all, and carry on.
Must I point out the fact that you are the one ranting about things on the internet to people whom you barely know?
There… I just did.
P.S. I lqtm at the life coming full circle stuff.
P.P.S. Now there is advertisements for things such as those previously stated on Notessimo as well.
A. Holy salad-tossing Chirst, that thought had never occurred to me. Ever. Not once.
B. I aim to please.
C. Are you suggesting that our discussion has enticed the internet-market’s invisible hand to begin advertising that shit here?
D. (to the AFB) How DARE you sir! Including the gopher grabber in that list of trash! You do realize that you can grab things that are, like, your arms’ length PLUS a full fucking yard away right? That’s like having super-mutant-freak-arms that are twice as long as normal! Worthless my ass.
At Hippo’s C.
Yes. Yes I do.
you know, I wouldn’t be too surprised myself…
LOL
Goddamn deadlines! Where the hell did the last two weeks go?
So I was just watching a documentary, The Future of Food, I’d provide a link but I seriously doubt anyone here would spend 80 minutes watching what I could lazily summarize in 5. Anyways, to summarize, the U.S. government now actively enforces the patenting of lifeforms and is going to fucking kill the world with unstoppable suicide crops. A suicide crop is a strain of corn or wheat or what have you, that, after producing the edible yield, will not produce any viable seeds. Why? So that the farmers will have to buy new seeds for each planting season from initial use and forever after. Oh, fun side note, the “terminator gene” may already be minimally incorporated–and only awaiting a proper environmental trigger–in any number of seemingly normal fields. Well, you know what they say about one’s survival rate on a long enough time line. This 2012 bullshit looks a little more sane every day. Now, I’m going to go ahead and ignore the counter arguments, you know, self-fulfilling prophecy, half-retarded doomsday theories, the swine flu, etc… this is a got-damned rant after all, not a well-weighted speech. Gotta make like a Scientologist and attack, attack, attack. Okay, lost focus there, back to the topic. So, apparently the “genetically engineered food will feed the world” tagline is also a load of shit. And really, that’s all it had going for it (turns out “increased crop yields” is a great exaggeration). The connections these companies have, and the money they spend on public officials to protect their interests, secures their proliferation in spite of this. Now, “greed, power and corruption” is a cliché that I may save for a future rant if I need to meet another deadline, but it is not a cliché without reason, and the amount one can buy with enough lobbies and strategic campaign donations is frightening. And I’m off topic again.
Anyways, to tl;dr, patenting genetic codes of plants + incorporating suicide genes in freely reproducing foodstuffs + uncontrollable cross-pollination = bad, unless you’re not routing for the home team, in which case I can’t blame you.
IN OTHER WORDS…
GOVERNMENT=
STUPID=
LOAD OF CHEESE PUFFS=
GOING TO KILL US ALL=
=
that whole long list of stuf
whit stuff=other stuff that
I can’t find because I dont
remember where it is…=
=
=
=
=
=
=
a waste of space=
YAY!
So what would happen to the food that can still produce seeds when this sillyness goes into effect?
Depends on how thoroughly decimated the worldwide crop would be. If a vital resource is scarce enough, it’ll come down to survival of the best armed (like minerals, don’t you hate when you require more?) . Still, that’s not terribly likely yet, and it may even be quite some time before it is (which is a very convenient attribute for such a problem.) Just pretend everything’s fine and have a bacon-wrapped sausage from Mexico.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM… Baaaaaaaaaaaacoooooooooooooon!!! nom nom nom nom nom
Back from global problems that nobody cares about to petty nonsensical irritants that everybody relates to. Well actually, since half of my readers (what’s half of three?) probably don’t drive yet, it’s still fairly unrelatable, so cheers!
Okay, my commute to work is only 5 miles. I am usually almost hit by either a senior citizen, a cell-phone user, or a woman at least once each day either coming or going. The old adage asks the driver whether or not they got their license in a vending machine. Apparently the DMV, model of efficiency that it is, has somehow allowed certifiable retards to acquire permits to operate very dangerous machinery in public; one needs only put the quarter in the slot. And let’s not kid ourselves, a car is just as dangerous as a firearm. I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase “vehicular manslaughter” before. Keeping this in mind, defensive driving can only shield your psyche to a certian degree. Bad drivers separate into a deficiency in one of two (or God forbid both) categories, attention and ability.
The most likely cause of a near-miss involves the cell phone-talking, map-reading, movie-watching asshole that doesn’t realize that he’s currently inside of a ton of steel and rubber moving several times faster than your average human can sprint. These guys are dicks, but at least they can’t be on the phone every minute of every trip in their car. It’s people who shouldn’t be driving in the first place; 16-year-olds, most 65±year-olds, every other woman, that seriously make me fear for my life on a highway. Bad drivers, and they invariably know who they are, need to figure out another way to get around. I’m quite sick of sitting behind some blue-hair waiting for her to make a right turn when there’s nobody, NOBODY around, then having to prod her with a dozen blasts from the horn to get her bony ass moving when the light finally changes (even though she could have made the right turn on the red light, as anyone who has been driving for more than a week should know), then miss the fucking light because there were only two cars in the turn lane and the programmer of the street light figured 10 seconds is more than enough time for two cars to pass by, just to miss my tiny window to turn becuase everyone in the damn city is now headed in the direction I was turning, forcing me to sit at that the light for another 2-3 minutes. Now, 2-3 minutes isn’t too long, but light after light, trip after trip, day after day, it fucking adds up. Luckily, I’m in a pretty small city, so we don’t have New York style traffic jams. But goddammit, it just takes one jerk-off to slow an 8-lane highway to a 2-lane service road. And now let’s hear from any 16-year-olds defending their right to drive.
And I’m seventeen.
Regardless, I adore almost being nearly mowed down (spiritually?) by these types of drivers, especially when I’m in an opposing car. I can’t exactly recall how many times it appears they were speeding towards the family van like a hillbilly trying to score an easy dinner, but I can say it’s a rather numerous occurance. It happens hardly as much as stolen right-of-ways or cut-off-slugs (you know, the drivers that risk flipping the whole road onto its side to get ahead of you, then seem to lose all comprehension of the gas pedal).
Then there are the drivers who attempt to bully the sane wheelmen off the road.
Can’t wait til I snag my license and get to deal wit 'em.
If ever I need a ghostwriter, it will be you EA.
Motercyclists can be jsut as bad as drivers;
One just about hit the car trying to squeeze in between our car and the one next to it.
AND JUST FOR KICKS
It was recently on the news that there was a crash between a car and a truck
and that the driver of the car admitted she was putting her make-up on while
driving! AND the other day, I saw a person trying to read a book while at a stop light…