Hypo's Official Drunk-Off-His-Ass Thread

Note: May be better categorized as “Hypo Rants About Things 2: Revenge of the Hard Liquor,” but fuck you, I’m not exactly cognizant at the fucking moment.

So, what the hell is up with old people? They drive slow, they walk slow, and they fucking die slow. I work in a pharmacy (as about half of you know by now) and in three fucking years only one fucking blue hair has kicked the fucking bucket (I apologize for the EXCESSIVE use of FUCK in this, and probably EVERY SUBSEQUENT-FUCKING-POST in this thread,) while I’m left wondering why the fuck I’m paying 20% of my fucking paycheck into non-euthanasia programs. Granted, my opinion is just a tiny-bit skewed, but fuck those motherfucking over-65-motherfuckers. They’re bleeding the useful percentage of the population fucking dry with their goddamn fucking (haha, “fucking” wasn’t even necessary there) life-should-be-over-by-goddamn-now life support. I mean, what the fuck are they living for at age goddamned-70? Bingo fucking sucks. Applesauce fucking sucks. Not-being-visited-because-you’re-fucking-90-fucking-years-old-and-you-smell-like-piss-and-nobody-wants-to-deal-with-that-shit fucking sucks. Dentures fucking suck… on old people… a middle-aged-to-borderline-young-chick with dentures can be fucking paradise, but those are a rare find and usually come with a few non-penicillin-treatable problems. And that’s another thing! It’s the old fucking bastards’ fault that we’ve got “the AIDS” floating around. If some sick fucks hadn’t fucked with some monkeys in their generation, the worst STDs one could contract would be easily suppressed with Valtrex (or valcyclovir HCL–40% cheaper) and Republicans (~Torys, for our non-American patrons) would need some other platform with which to persecute the gays (fuck the gays, though, it’s Adam and fucking Eve, not Adam and fucking Steve. Fuck.)

So, in summation, fuck. Fuck you, fuck them, and fuck all, and by “you,” “them,” and “all,” I mean mostly old motherfuckers. But still, fuck you.

“Fuck” Count - 38*

+Lemme know if I’ve miscounted, I’m quite fucked up at the moment… make that “Fuck” count - 40

ITT: Professional moderatorism at it’s finest.

LOL thats good stuff there hypo

All the old people around here drive slow until you decide to pass them. They then speed up as fast as they can, get back in front of you, and slow down, making sure you are going as slow as possible :twisted:

Being in Jersey, I get the old people from Florida coming up every summer.

So, it’s that time again (thought I’d be sooner, but I guess I’m just too well-adjusted to be a full-fledged alcoholic–fuck what the rest of you say–well-adjusted!!) This may be a purely US-ican problem (that abbreviation saves a whole fucking letter, by the way,) but is everyone over here fucking retarded? At work: retards. Driving: retards. On the street: retards. Internet: retards (present company excluded for the most part). I’m beginning to come around to Nietzsche’s way of thinking (a very bad thing, trust me) and am ready to write you stupid motherfuckers off as a loss. Still, I do have a soft spot (not only on my liver, brain and kidneys) for Goethe and his ilk, so I guess I’ll tolerate youse for the time being. Sorry (somewhat) if I’m over-generalizing the endemic retardation of Oklahoma to encompass about 40% of the world’s landmass in one fell, inebriated swoop, but apparently people are pretty much the same across (or, actually AROUND) the globe, for the most part. So, I posit the following to youse (I will continue to use the word “youse” until I forget its meaning) guys: to READ A GODDAMNED-ASS-FUCKING-BOOK in the next two months else I will ram my sister’s enormous cock up one-if-not-all of your orifices by the next lunar eclipse.

I’ll expect a comprehensive report, in MLA format, minimum 3 pages, on my desk by Monday.

Hmm. The report seems a bit too elementary, if you ask me. I was hoping for a minimum of at least 5 pages, w/o double spacing in size 8 font, on your desk by tomorrow, but this will have to do. Are we too retarted to receive a more demanding assignment? Please make note of my plea, and take it into consideration, if you will.

You need help.

How do you type so well while you’re drunk?! Good job on being a professional alcoholic :twisted:


Years of practice–suppose that doesn’t help my case on the former point… I take pride in my prose, thank you. Given the opportunity I’ll proofread the shit out of my posts. So there’s that.