Funny Quotes

That one is kinda funny…except mine wasn’t drugs. It was sex. lmao
Unless, that’s what the ‘twist’ is.

If you can’t beat 'em, eat 'em 8-)

In Soviet Russia, Navi listens to you!

when life gives you lemons make lemon-aid
then go and find someone who life gave them vodka
and have a party. - Ron White

you know your high when the room sais DAAAMMN!
(Understandably not funny)

i beleave the Dick Channey Gun Accident is a good medafor(incorrect spelling i know) for the iraqi war.
you know.

(pointsthe gun at the duck)
i got it, i got it, i got it,
(points at his buddy)!!!WHOOPS!!! missed

but it goes more like this

iran, iran, iran, !!!IRAQ!!!
Lewis Black

when i think i’ve hit rock bottom
soneone goes and gives me a shovle

  • Garfiled

“I think God blessed us with children so death won’t be such a disappointment.” Evelin Harper
“She’s been on my hotel pillows than a chocolate mint.” Charlie Harper

I’ll be adding more funny quotes from the show to this post as I hear them, so check back every now and then! 8-)

“Dogs love me cause I’m crazy sniffable,” The Beastie Boys.
“And the pain was enough to make a shy, bald Budest reflect, and plan a mass murder,” Mark Ronson’s cover of the Smiths.

in 6th grade, we had to write a story about our greatest day ever. it was supposed to start out like, “Today was the greatest day of my life, because when I woke up…” We all read our starting sentence aloud. When we got to this one kid, he was like, “Today was the greatest day of my life, because when I woke up… I got shot in my big toe!”

Here are some:

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.”
-Demetri Martin
“The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” -Albert Einstein
“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” -Mark Twain
“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” -Harry Truman

EDIT: There. I put those jokes in the jokes thread.

Again, thanks for saving me some trouble Jan lol
To Anthony… most, if not all, dead baby jokes are gross.

Hey, I found some more quotes (don’t know who they’re by):

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep – not screaming, like the passengers in his car
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

i quote my friend at a concert “the lights are making everything,like,shin”
I respond “yeah,and the curtains are making everything not shiny too, huh?”

Here are some quotes…

“The cake is a lie”
“I like fishies because they are delicious”
“(kinda inappropriate but whatever…) I like to staple used condoms onto my ribs”

Thanks to Team Fortress 2, I have a few quotes from it stuck in my head.

“KA-BOOOOOM” - Demoman
“Spy sappin’ mah sentry!” - Engineer
“BONK!” - Scout
“Mph mrh mhph?” - Pyro (His/her mask makes everything impossible to understand)
“Boom, headshot” - Sniper

I heard this from somewhere…

They say the best things in life are free, but you don’t hear of people throwing parties when they find out they have cancer.

It goes something like that.

I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!!! - Cheese from Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends.

I HAVE A CARROT!!! - same as above



Lol was that a funny quote or the truth?