It has arrived, folks; the moment in which all previous notions of what literacy truly is is thrown into the confides of a wood chipper whilst more liberal definitions are set it their place. It is time to brandish all those horrifically elongated vocabulary words in an attempt to rock the very balance of one device’s connection to the next. We will hereby mutilate the interwebz, causing it to implode! It will all start with:
My malicious elder of biological relation takes pleasure in his martial exploits, as the sadistic tendencies all too typical of him are quenched through the stimulation of his automatic’s (AK-47’s) trigger with the repetitive caresses of one anxious appendage.
Fine, I’ll translate the implausible rhetorical flourishes/bombast language/nonsense in my post.
My mean older brother/father/grandfather likes his military outings/going to war, since he can satisfy his need to inflict pain by pulling the trigger of his AK-47.
Now, let’s all crack open a thesaurus and have fun, yeah?
Edit: To answer this question…
Nope, just a natural born writer. I usually take on the Victorian Style (the overblown sentences with a lot of fancy words), but I’m fond of post modern too. Short sentences just rule sometimes.
The only useful thing to come out the Victorian Age was the expression “Lie back and think of England.”
The passage of time has made most everything before the 20th century obsolete and childishly callow, Dostoevsky and Shakespeare being some of the obvious exceptions. Despite my feigned aureate style (let’s be serious, no one really speaks this way anymore) I prefer the succinct, cutting diction one finds in Vonnegut, with copious profanity and vulgarity to boot! Wish he had more to write about though, like a Dragonforce song, they all sound the same.
Ostentatious rhetoric is a defense mechanism. It is a visceral reaction to the propagation of pseudo-literacy rife on this damned internet.
Why must literary prowess be based on one’s vocabulary alone? There are brilliant minds in this world who have beautiful and profound things to say to us, however they are shunned for speaking in simple words. I am a college student, and I am not allowed to use any of the following words in anything I write:
get
gets
getting
got
gotten
put
puts
putting
a lot of
great
just
thing
things
stuff
fun
anyone
anywhere
anything
anybody
everyone
everywhere
everything
everybody
somewhere
someone
somebody
something
you
you’re
your
don’t
doesn’t
didn’t
won’t
can’t
isn’t
won’t
didn’t
Along with these, I am also forbidden to use contractions of any sort. Although I understand the fact that this regulation is put in place to force students to express themselves more creatively, I think it has very real adverse effects. For instance, if a student is so worried about the structural integrity of his paper, he might end up making a foolish mistake such as misspelling a name, or even giving us an approval when he meant to attack something. Literacy comes not from one’s ability to use capital letters and build perfect sentences, but from the power behind the words he or she is speaking. So to tell a person you have just met that they are illiterate when you see lower case letters, without even having the decency to listen to what they have to say, is something I cannot forgive.