I wake up from my painful slumber… You are in a dark alley making out with the pineapple… I run very quickly and manage to take the pineapple.
I strike you in the head with a bat, rendering you unconscious. I take the pineapple. “Sorry, did that hurt? / That “sorry” was sarcasm. / I am not sorry.”
I wake up from being unconsious, I phase you with my phaser which didn’t phase the pineapple since I used a non-pineapple-phasing-handheld-portal-device, I quickly grab the pineapple of your pixelated phased hands, you have disinegrated and now your molecules are scrambled all around space.
I become one with the matrix and use my matrix powers to duplicate the source code of the pineapple and delete the original copy.
I now own the pineapple.
I rewind time and make sure you never became one with the matrix. tehehehehehehehehehe. the pineapple is MINE.
As you raise the pineapple high in the air and marvel at its glory, I touch your back and encase you entirely in ice except for the hands. I take the pineapple and break the ice, you along with it.
the hammer get’s stuck and you try really hard to get it loose. when it does, it swings at your face and puts a hole in your fore head. while you are in pain, i take the pineapple and drive away in a fancy car.
I puncture a hole in your tires with my magnum, You feel a sudden jolt, the pineaple slips out of your hands and out the window, I kindly grab the pineapple and teleport to a deserted Island.
you die of hunger since there is no food. (besides the pineapple(which is now rotten so you don’t eat))i track your location, take a plane there and grab the pineapple.
I whack you in the head with a paddle, and I catch the pineapple. I rent a giant drill and drill down into the earth.
I am an alien, I teleport to the earths core to find you making out with the pineapple, I hit you in the head with TWO COCONUTS! and grab the pineapple. I head off to hyrule.
Genetically enhanced yetis clamber down from the mountain tops and combat you at Hyrule. After pinning you down, I emerge from the mists and confiscate the pineapple.
I throw a poison bomb at you. The bomb releases a cloud of toxic powder. You inhale the powder and collapse from the fast-acting poison. I quickly put on a gas mask and snatch the pineapple, then I grab the sidebars of a bypassing train.
You hit a passing wall and drop the pineapple. I grab it and run into the tunnel that the train went through.
Wolfe ‘coincidently’ forgets that he is on the incoming train tracks, he gets run-over by the train. I am standing at the platform waiting anxiously for the pineapple. It flies into my hands. I escape to space. SPAAAACE!
The space core from Portal 2 hears you yell SPAAAAACE! and flies into your face, knocking you unconscious. You drop the pineapple. I catch it and I crash into Earth, unharmed. I swim down to the bottom if the ocean.
I wake up from being unconscious, lol wait… We’re in space and then all of a sudden you SWIM UNDERWATER?
that never could’ve happened. So I still have the pineapple.
(No, I meant I was heading for Earth and I crash landed into the water. I had an idea so I swam down to the bottom of the ocean.)
I grab the pineapple when you’re not looking and I go to Earth, crash-landing into the sea. I swim down to the bottom.
(that makes more sense >->)
I send a big daddy after you. after you see the big daddy approaching, you stop in shock and are paralysed for a matter of minuets, leaving the pineapple float to the top of the ocean. it is now flowting at the top of the ocean.
I walk upon the surface of the ocean, creating a pathway of ice beneath my feet with every step. I pick up the pineapple from the ocean, then skate back to land.