Ha.
A centipede wakes up late to find out that he’s going to miss the bus. He begins to tie his shoes…
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then me makes it with 5 minutes to spare.
Haha, funny joke.
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Technically centipedes do not wear shoes, because they do not have feet, and would be incapable of tying shoelaces because neither their legs or forcipules would be able to grip the laces. So your joke is incorrect.
…
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Click to expand
It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and are thus incapable of emotion.
(this better not have been posted yet)
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Well, I tried…
I had a feeling that would happen.
Redeeming joke: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to a free land where the motives of a chicken crossing a road would not be questioned!
Q: A burnette and a blonde fall of a cliff, who hit the ground first?
A: The burnette, the blond has to stop and ask for directions
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*brunette
Oh,
A man goes walking one day and comes across three doors, each guarded by a ferocious-looking, axe-weilding, armored, 8-foot-tall guard. As the man stares, rather puzzled, an old man comes up. “I can tell you a secret,” the old man begins. “Those doors all lead to different places. One to vast amounts of gold and safe passage, one to certain doom, and the third just safe passage. You get no wealth, but you can proceed. Just ask the guards. They’ll tell you. But be warned: One guard tells only the truth, one only lies, and the third…well, he slaughters anyone who asks him a tricky question.”
Why did Sally fall off her bike?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not leifeday, if he keeps using Comic Sans.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ace.
Ace who?
Ace of Spaces by Motorhead.
No offense, but that is really the unfunniest joke I have ever heard in my entire life.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Et.
Et Who?
Brute.
Yay for stupid jokes! 
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have you SEEN my signature recently?
a guy goes to a piano and is going to play a song. he notices that he forgot his music.
"i’ll be Bach. i need to get my music."the guy says.
"I think you can Handel it without the music."the other replied
Did you hear the one about the atom?
it was so Bohr-ing