Unfortunately, due to the pineapple’s durably prickly shell having hardened from its experience, the boomerang bounces off of it and strikes your head, knocking you out cold.
I sneak up behind Clearwater and headlock her. I then cover her mouth and nostrils, causing her to struggle for air. Soon she goes into stasis as well, so I place her gently on the ground and take the pineapple. I then hide in a horsecart.
puts pineapple on the roof of Ace’s horsecart
I follow your horsecart with my Ferrari F50 to watch where the pineapple goes.
-I walk up with ONE MILLION Templar guards.-
Me: I suggest you hand over the pineapple. You don’t know enough to have it. It could be fake. Besides, what exactly do you plan on doing with that pineapple anyway?
I use the Pineapple of Eden to possess the Templars and force them to kill themselves. I use it again to force Verbist to crash into a building. I use it a third time to make the horses pulling my cart gallop away.
I jump off a nearby cliff, landing silently right into the horsecart, behind Ace. I use my hands to snap your neck. You are knocked out cold, and you drop the pineapple. The horsecart goes out of control, and it goes off a cliff edge. The pineapple plunges, and so do I. I jump off, grabbing the pineapple, and freefall down the large canyon with the pineapple in my grasp.
Since my other plan didn’t work I sent highly trained moderators to seek out the pineapple, they eventually make it to the bottom of the canyon, where they find Wolfe having a delightful picnic with the pineapple, Wolfe is cornered, he runs away like a chicken to be caught, easily letting the pineapple in my grasp, FINALLY!
-I walk up behind Aliens.-
Me: How ironic! Let’s split it! Or at least team up…with Ace, of course. The three of us…we could find a cure for the mutant plague I told everyone about! And then no one else could get the planet’s last pineapple…
I agree with the terms, I take my katana out and cut the pineapple in two! I run off the the east.
-I stand there, holding half of a pineapple.-
Me: Well, that went considerably stranger than I expected…oh well.
-I set up a lab and begin extracting DNA from the pineapple half.-
I eventually destroy the moderating team with my katana and become brave enough to take on Ipreferpi. I find where he is and sneak behind him. I headlock him, and choke him to death. I disable the DNA machine and take half the pineapple. I spot something from the corner of my eye: Aliens. He has the other half. I sprint to him and, without him noticing, smite him with my katana on the head. As he is bleeding fatally, I take the other half, then superglue the pineapple back together. I sprint off into an unknown cave system with the pineapple.
-I’m standing there in the entrance of the cave.-
Me: You are so predictable, Wofle. I knew I wasn’t safe in my lab, so I cloned myself. And made a fake pineapple half. That thing you have there, it’s half a pineapple. I have the real half. And I’m warning you, I happen to be an extremely well-conditioned fighter, so it won’t be as easy as you’d think. But don’t you want to see the day where everyone can have as many pineapples as they want?
I don’t listen to Ipreferpi’s clone’s speech, so I snap my fingers and instantly go to New York City. The fake pineapple half is switched out with the real one, and you don’t even notice. I put on my skin-tight invisibility suit, and turn it on. I now “blend in” with the commuters of New York, with the pineapple safely hidden inside my back pants pocket.
-The suit malfunctions. You are zapped into paralysis. You teleport back to the cave.-
Me: Tsk tsk, mr… Wolfe. Did you really think I’d be fooled that easily?
-I strap Wolfe to a special table.-
Me: Those straps are made of vibranium. You’re not getting out of there anytime soon. Now, I’ll just take that from you…
-I grab the pineapple. I split it into 7 pieces.-
Me: I’ll just do this as a precaution…
-I set 6 of them for DNA testing in the cave. I lock the 7th away in a secure vault that cannot be moved or broken into.-
Me: I’m against murder, so…I’ll have to do something with you…any suggestions?
I get you to play with my 3DS, and you become addicted to Mario Kart 7. So addicted, in fact, that you don’t even notice anything of the outside world. I become free of the straps by simply sliding my small hands from under them. Using telekenisis, I remove the other straps silently. I turn invisible again and pass through the safe, with the pineapple. I then pass through again, still invisible, and swipe the 6ths of pineapples with fake realistic ones. I then disable the DNA machine again. I sneak up behind, still invisible, and smite you on the head with my katana, slicing you and the 3DS in half. I then run out of the cave, with the pineapples superglued back together.
I sit upon the branch of a tree. I notice you running out of a cave with a sliced pineapple glued together. I pierce you in the neck with a rope dart, then jump backwards off the branch. As I land, I pin the other end of the rope to the ground. The rope hangs from the branch and you are suspended by the neck. Already dead, you drop the pineapple.
I take the pineapple. A digital voice is heard from beyond the skies, saying “Revenge”.
-I walk out from behind a tree.-
Me: Did you really think-
-I see Ace standing there.-
Me: Oh. You got him already. Okay…I got the DNA I needed…oh, here’s the 8th piece.
-I toss Ace the 8th piece of the pineapple.-
Me: Watch out though…half of that was Aliens’s…I’m gonna solve some problems. I hope this means you don’t have to kill me…not like it would actually kill me if you did. Oh, and Wolfe, just for reference next time, I already OWN MK7.
-I walk away.-
I catch the 8th piece. It is strangely attracted to the repaired pineapple. The attraction pulls the 8th piece out of my fingers and into the pineapple. The pineapple itself begins to levitate, emitting an alluring glow. The glue dissipates, and the cut marks vanish. The pineapple floats up high into the sky, then shoots off somewhere else.
“A strange occurrence / One I will probably not / witness for decades,” I mutter. I then disappear into the canopies above.
Me: Huh…does he always speak in haikus?
-I get back to my lab. I start cloning the DNA.-
i bump this topic, also bumping you. chemicals get all over you.
i run out and hide in a secret cave.
I take the pineapple when your sleeping and throw it of the waterfall closeby.
© 2007-2024 Jean-Denis Boivin